This week is “No More Week” from March 2 through 8 ending to coincide with International Women’s Day. While “No More” began about male violence about women, it is about shedding a light on domestic abuse and sexual violence.
It’s been almost 12 years since I left my abuser of 22 years. Twenty-two years? you say. At first the abuse was minor controlling behaviours that appeared after several years of marriage. I didn’t notice it at first. Then I wrote it off as side effects of mental illness. For years I was unaware that the criticism and control crept slowly into how I spoke and dressed and finally into who I spent time with and eventually finances. None of it was physical until one violent night – and that was the last night I spent with my abuser.
Domestic violence had never been on my radar. My circle of friends never spoke of it, and I didn’t know anyone who had been abused. Until 12 years ago, I thought domestic abuse/violence was something that occurred in troubled social settings: low income families, people with a drug history, etc. Never did it occur to me that it might also be common in the working, middle or upper classes. A working professional and daughter of an architect, and stepmom to three wonderful young men, I never considered our family dysfunctional. I was too busy to pay attention. Today, still ashamed of my prior ‘blind eye’, I am keenly aware. It’s like I have supercharged antennae that sense any male controlling behaviour.
Misogyny is running rampant in the world and it has to stop. Women are no closer to being equal than they were 50 years ago. As a retired professional, I can remember being interrupted by males in a meeting where I was on the same level or even senior to the male. I’ve witnessed ‘mansplaining’. There is still a gender pay gap. These are business examples. Worldwide we are no closer to ending male dominance. Women are not treated as equal. Male dominance has led to girls and women being horribly abused as in continued female genital mutilation and human trafficking. There is some awareness but not enough.
Kudos to a young man named Logan. Everyone has heard about the Epstein catastrophe, but not many outside of Canada have heard of The Guelph Incident that occurred last week in a coffee shop in Guelph, Ontario. Logan saw a man and a young girl and he thought something was fishy. He approached the man, Jonathan Puddle, and asked what his relationship was to the young lady who (to Logan) seemed apprehensive. Jonathan replied that she was his daughter. Logan wasn’t convinced, so he called the police, who posted the pair’s picture online asking for information. After seeing their picture on social media, Jonathan contacted the police. Turns out this was a father/daughter couple and daughter Emmi was just shy and didn’t even hear what Logan had asked. Jonathan explained that he was pleased that if this had indeed been a human trafficking situation that someone was brave and forward enough to act. We need more Logans.
This isn’t a political piece, but I am compelled to remark on the shameful behaviour of Donald Trump. He has demonstrated his dislike, disrespect of women over and over again. The first time I recognized it was during the second Presidential Debate in 2016: the manner in which Trump circled around Hilary Clinton and the expression on his face while she was speaking made my flesh crawl. From that day, until his recent calling a reporter “Piggy” and his lame locker room talk with the male Olympic Hockey Team he has consistently shown his true colours. I find it difficult to understand how any woman could align herself with a sexist. He is a blatant chauvinist pig.
Several years ago, experts tied the connection between domestic violence and adult mass shooters. In Canada, the two most deadly mass attacks – 1989 Ecole Polytechnique Massacre in Montreal and the 2020 Nova Scotia Shootings – both shooters had domestic violence in their backgrounds. In the United States, James Densley and Jillian Peterson, founders of the Violence Prevention Project have studied mass shootings for 10 years and on the recent piece on 60 Minutes say the commonality of school shootings is the background of domestic violence.
“No More’ isn’t enough! The No More Ads should be on television and social media more frequently. We should all be like Guelph’s Logan who saw something and acted. We don’t have to interject like he did, but we can observe and report suspicious activity. We can contact our local schools and ask what mental health support they have in place. We can contact our local support groups and ask how to help.
Hindsight: My Journey 